Grief, Loss and the Woman I Became

There are days in your life when the ground gives way beneath you. Days that split your world into “before” and “after.” I remember that morning so clearly the crushing, heart wrenchng realisation that nothing would ever be the same again. It wasn’t just emotional pain; it took over my whole body. My chest felt like it had caved in, my legs gave way under the weight of a world that had suddenly changed. Even breathing felt unfamiliar, like my body had to relearn how to exist with this new reality inside it.

Time around me carried on, but inside, everything was still. There was a strange disconnect, like I was moving through air that had turned thick, like the world was slightly out of sync. People spoke. Cars moved. Life continued, the world doing what it always does. And the anger that rose inside me was fierce. How can you all just carry on? Do you not see what has happened? Do you not feel what I am feeling? There was resentment, disbelief, shock, a desperate sense that everything should have stopped. That the loss I felt should have been visible, should have changed the air around me. It was the kind of grief that makes you feel invisible and exposed all at once.

I moved through every stage of grief without knowing that’s what I was doing.The denial, this can’t be real. The bargaining, if only… what if… why didn’t I…The anger, hot, sharp, overwhelming, directed at life, at the world, at the unfairness of it all. And beneath it, the desperate questioning that comes when your entire inner world collapses.

And grief didn’t visit me just once.

It returned in many forms: through the death of others I loved, through the breakdown of relationships, through losing a job that had shaped so much of my identity. Some grief was loud and shattering. Some grief was quiet and complicated, like realising I had lost parts of myself in relationships, or that I had abandoned my own needs to feel wanted, loved or chosen.

There was grief in letting go of dynamics that hurt me. Grief in admitting I needed more. Grief in realising I no longer recognised the woman I had become.

These losses pushed me inward, asking me to rebuild myself slowly, honestly, gently. I didn’t become a “better” woman because of grief, I became a truer one.

Someone reclaiming the parts of herself she had lost, while learning to honour the woman she has become. Someone learning to hold both truth and tenderness without abandoning herself again.

Through all of it, love was the thing that kept pulling me forward, love for those who still needed me, love that held me up when I felt hollow, love that whispered, “Just today. Just one step.” It didn’t erase the pain, but it steadied me just enough to keep going when the world felt unrecognisable. These experiences are a big part of why I do the work I do now.

Because of everything I’ve lived through, I can sit with people in their darkest moments without rushing them, fixing them, or fearing the depth of what they carry. I understand the shock that steals your breath, the anger that burns through your chest, the confusion that keeps you awake, the denial that protects you, and the slow, frightening process of finding your way back to yourself.

You don’t “get over” grief like this. You learn to live with it. You learn to carry it alongside you, and over time, you realise that while the pain changes shape, it also deepens your capacity to feel, connect and understand.

If you’re grieving today, whether it’s the loss of a person, a relationship, a job, a chapter of your life, or parts of yourself, I see you. Your pain is valid. Your journey is real. And the way you continue to move forward, even when it feels impossible, is a quiet and powerful kind of courage. I know how brave you are.

How Counselling Can Support You Through Grief

Grief affects the body, mind, identity and relationships. You don’t have to navigate it alone.

Therapy can help you to:

• understand the waves of grief

• process anger, guilt, numbness or confusion

• talk openly without feeling rushed or judged

• explore identity changes and the deeper impacts of loss

• rebuild your sense of self

• create stability during overwhelming emotions

• find gentleness and grounding again

  
  

If you feel ready to talk, I’m here to sit with you, at your pace, in your way.

Lots of Love

Pamela