A = Acknowledge

The Second Stage of the LAYERS Method™

"I don't have to like what I'm feeling, but I can acknowledge that it's here."

Last week I introduced the first stage of the LAYERS Method™:

Listen.

Listening asks us to pause.

To notice.

To become aware of what is happening within us.

But awareness is only the beginning.

The next step is often much harder.

Acknowledge

Because if we're honest, many of us don't struggle to notice our feelings.

We struggle to accept that they're there.

We feel anxious and tell ourselves:

"Don't be silly."

We feel hurt and tell ourselves:

"I shouldn't let it bother me."

We feel overwhelmed and tell ourselves:

"Other people cope with more than this."

We feel exhausted and tell ourselves:

"I just need to get on with it."

Sound familiar?

One of the things I notice most often in counselling is how quickly people move from feeling something to criticising themselves for feeling it.

It's as though the emotion isn't difficult enough on its own. We then add:

Guilt.

Shame.

Judgement.

Pressure.

And before long we're not just carrying the feeling itself. We're carrying the battle against it too.

The truth is, emotions don't disappear simply because we disagree with them.

Anxiety doesn't vanish because we tell ourselves not to worry.

Sadness doesn't disappear because we think we should be stronger.

Grief doesn't leave because we tell ourselves we should be over it by now.

And hurt doesn't heal because we pretend it doesn't matter.

What often changes things is acknowledgement.

Not approval.

Not agreement.

Not surrender.

Acknowledgement.

The simple act of saying:

"This is what I'm experiencing right now."

"This is hard."

"I'm feeling anxious."

"I'm feeling disappointed."

"I'm feeling overwhelmed."

Without immediately trying to fix it.

Without talking yourself out of it.

Without convincing yourself that you shouldn't feel that way.

Because it's very difficult to understand a feeling that you're constantly trying to push away.

In therapy, I often find that meaningful change begins when people stop asking:

"How do I get rid of this feeling?"

and start asking:

"What is this feeling trying to tell me?"

That question doesn't come from judgement.

It comes from acknowledgement.

And acknowledgement creates the space needed for understanding, self-compassion and growth.

This week, I'd like to leave you with a question:

What feeling have you been trying not to feel?

And what might happen if, instead of fighting it, you simply acknowledged that it was there?

Because there is always more beneath what we see.

Love Pamela x

Pamela Statham - Creator of The LAYERS Method™